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Finding Your Way Back From a Confidence Crisis

Finding your way back after a confidence crisis?
Sooner or later, your confidence will be shaken to the ground.

Life will throw something at you – like losing a job, a relationship ending, a betrayal or discovering that things haven’t been as you thought they were – that makes you question everything.

That’s what a crisis of confidence does; stops you in your tracks, pulls the rug of everything you were confident in out from under you, and makes you doubt everything you do (or have done).

Self-trust becomes impossible

By changing the landscape of meaning and expectation, a confidence crisis takes away your ability to trust your own thoughts and feelings, and it makes room for the belief that you’re simply not good enough to deal with life.

It’s baneful; and it will happen to you if it hasn’t already.

So bookmark this post, as it gives you 3 ideas that might help during a confidence crisis. Keep it in your little toolkit of life, and use it as a life-preserver when the time comes.

1. It’s Not Okay

It’s pointless me offering you a hug, rubbing your back and telling you that “it’s okay“. It’s not okay.

It fucking sucks.

You don’t have to bounce back right away. You don’t have to “get over it”. You don’t have to force it to be okay.

This might fly in the face of what you’re expecting to hea or what others might say. Good.

What I care about is that you allow what’s happening in your life to happen in your life. Don’t push it away. Don’t bury it. Don’t hide it.

Allow yourself to be with the fact that it’s not pleasant where you are right now, and spend time with how it feels.

Don’t judge the shittyness for being shitty

There’s a big difference however, between acknowledging and being with what’s happening, and wallowing in it. Wallowing in it is casting yourself as the victim and pouring over the drama of it all in forensic detail, building walls of thinking built on top of how you’re feeling that could keep you trapped for a long, long time.

Being with what’s happening is simply, honestly and bravely choosing to move with it.

It’s like being willing to stand in the rain without a coat or umbrella – you get soaked to the bone, but as you stand there shivering, wishing you could be safe and dry indoors, there’s something natural, elemental and even graceful about it.

And that’s the interesting thing; simply embracing the suckiness of it can be a comfort.

2. Return to Source

Melt down a gold watch, a gold ring or a gold tooth and you get the same thing.

Gold.

Many times in my life I’ve needed to return to my liquid state; a place where I go back to my source. This liquid state is where you can connect with what you are, regardless of what’s happened in your life.

It’s here that you reconnect to your source

That might be a place of spirituality or faith, it might be resting in the support of a loved one, it might be gently nourishing yourself or it might be a place where you connect with something that truly matters; your true north.

The simplicity of returning to your source provides a quiet space for you to hang out in during the storm, and I think it’s essential. Completely, vitally necessary.

Without it you’ll be drifting without connection or spinning without centre.

You’ll get completely lost

Instead, recognise that you’re always connected. To your source, to others, to the world. It’s through feeling these connections once more that you’ll find your way back again.

3. Don’t Give In

Just how strong do I need to be?” you might ask yourself, and I get that. I honestly do.

Just when you think you’ve overcome what life has thrown at you, it throws something else at you that’s bigger, badder and blows what’s come before out of the water.

You might think you can’t deal with it. You might want to stop trying. You might want to give up.

Don’t.

You already have what it takes

Even though it might not fee like it, acknowledge that you’re here, right now. You’ve got through some pretty bad scrapes and you’re still here.

You’re still alive.

That counts. It really does.

Letting in regret, bitterness, hate or cynicism can be more damaging than anything life can throw at you, and I’ve come to believe this is why the universe keeps on testing us.

If you can get through the hard times (and the impossibly hard times) without letting in regret, bitterness, hate or cynicism, you’ve likely embraced all that’s good in yourself and the world.

You’ve embraced grace

A ghastly as a crisis of confidence can be, the experience they provide is filled with some of life’s most important lessons and opportunities. A life without them is a life too small to mean much of anything.

So perhaps, a life woven with tears of crisis as well as tears of joy is the mark of a life well spent.

How about you? How have you found your way back from a confidence crisis?

Comments

  1. This is so amazing! I’ve thought of myself as liquefied so often–as caught in a refining fire, burning away the things that were never truly essential to begin with–but I didn’t think about the expanded possibilities in reshaping myself for the future as a direct result.

    At first it seemed enough to have the capacity for gratitude and joy even at the lowest point, but I’ve been struggling to find a way forward from that place, a way to frame the healing. I think this is just the mental image I needed. Thank you!

    • Steve Errey says:

      I love the metaphor too, so I’m thrilled it connects so well with you.

      I even relish the times when it’s necessary, because I know I’m returning to source :)

  2. Many thanks – currently going through yet another one. Very grateful to have come to your website.

    • Steve Errey says:

      I hope things have improved Maylin. And perhaps what you’very been through has been essential in where you are now.

  3. Great piece. I’m going through some challenges which have shattered my confidence and self-belief and I found your article really helpful. In fact, I felt like crying. Thank you.

    • Steve Errey says:

      So glad it connected with you Stella, and sorry that things are hard for you.

      You’re wonderful.

  4. Vishwas says:

    You are correct when you say not to let in regrets and bitterness. some days it hard not to. you have to keep reminding yourself each day to take it as it comes. been going through something for a while now. it’s very hard but need to keep counting your blessings. I know I will come out stronger.

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