You don’t have to live your life as though you’re the star of “As The World Turns” or “Eastenders” to be a drama queen.
Too many people spend the bulk of their time wrapped up in the drama and detail of their lives.
I can’t believe she said that. You’ll never guess what he did. Why can’t they just sort it out? I don’t want to feel like this any more. You simply don’t get it. She went and did it. Who do you think you are?
The drama and detail of your life is just a lot of who did what to whom, and while it might make a good TV storyline if you’re into that sort of thing, it makes for a really crappy life.
If all you’re seeing is the drama, you’re missing everything that’s good
There’s a better way of experiencing life that gets you more of the good stuff and much, much less of the draining, shouty, nit-picky bullshit.
Here’s how it works.
- The aim is to move up this diagram, from the bottom to the top, aiming to spend your time above the line.
- Starting at the bottom, this is where all the drama and emotion lives. If you’re spending your time down here, your life will feel out of control and you’ll feel very much like a victim of life. To get a better experience, make a deliberate choice to move one step up.
- The detail level is where you pour over the minutia of your life, as though you’re narrating what’s been going on or telling others about all the tiny details of what’s been happening in your life. There’s always more detail to dredge up and roll around in so it’s not a great place to spend your time, but it’s a step in the right direction from the maelstrom of drama.
- Knowing the detail inside-out affords you a curious opportunity – the chance to name the problem. Resist the temptation to keep bathing in all that detail and ask yourself “What’s the real problem here?” Step up and out of the detail and look for where the problem is, even if it’s with how you’re looking at things. With clarity around the specific problem you’re able to move up another step.
- With insight into the real nature of the problem, you’re gifted with another opportunity. To look at a way through; to navigate through the problem in order to get to something better on the other side of it. So what’s a way that you can move forwards? What might be sitting on the other side of the problem that would be a decent (or perhaps even great) way for things to turn out? What’s a good solution?
- To help you move up a step from problem into solution, be at your best. It’s no good looking for a solution when you’re at your worst or just pretending to be interested in a solution, when you’re like a pig in shit swimming around in all that drama and detail. Remember what you’re like when you’re at your very best, then look at a good solution from that vantage point.
- The next step up from the solution is the vision. This can represent your vision for how you want things to go, but I think it’s more useful to look at what truly matters to you and how you want your experience of life to go. So what kind of texture or richness of experience are you looking for? What’s your big picture?
Your life will always be better above that line
You don’t have to bury things or pretend like everything’s roses when it’s full of thorns. You can still feel what you feel, be in the moment and fully experience what happens in your life, but you don’t need to stay down there in the drama and detail of it all.
There’s so much more to you and your life than that.
Where do you spend your time?