Don’t Bother, It Won’t Work

nap time, by LOLren on Flickr
This is a guest post by Larry Milt from Ipswich, currently unemployed.

Life is, like, really tough.

Too tough, when you think about it.

There was this time when I really, really wanted to date this girl. And she was all “Eurgh, get off me loser” and stuff, and then nothing happened and she went off with some other dude.

And another time when I wanted to work in this awesome company doing brilliant things that would have been way cool, and they were all like “Well, you don’t have the experience we’re looking for” and I was all “That’s what the stormtrooper said in Star Wars after Obi Wan did his Jedi mind trick, but actually, they were totally the droids he was looking for, so you’d better hire me or the Emperor’s gonna be pissed“. So, they totally lost out and stuff.

So yeah, I wanted to do stuff and thought I’d be retired by now (I’m 32), but no other dude would give me the chance, you know?

I reckon the joke’s on them, coz they missed out on some serious Milt action. Straight up.

One thing’s fo shizzle, life’s gotten a whole lot easier since I stopped bothering about doing shit.

Like, I don’t have to bother doing shit now, how cool is that?

Life’s actually pretty sweet. Steve didn’t pay me for this guest post (tightwad), but I’m gonna get a shit-tonne of web traffic from it and that’ll bump up my ad revenue and set me up for beer for the rest of the month. Ladies, the next pint’s on me. Sweet as.

I suppose what I’m saying is that it’s just too fucking tough to make really cool shit happen. Life’s short anyway, right? Make it an easy ride and do as little as possible coz it won’t work out anyway.

You’re welcome.

[Note from Steve] This is absolutely the last time I run a guest post. Seems like Larry prefers doing nothing and blaming the world for not giving him everything he wants, rather than giving a damn and playing. Please don’t end up like Larry. He’s a dick.

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