Why Everyone Wants You to Fuck Up

Why Everyone Wants You to Fuck Up

Ever been so excited about an idea that you couldn’t keep it in any longer and told your friend who was all a bit “meh” about the whole thing?

Ever had an opportunity come along that might bounce you up to the next level or beyond and you sit down with your other half and talk about how amazing it might be and watch as they scrunch up their face and tell you all the ways it might not work?

Or have you ever worked and worked and worked only for your family to take you down a peg or two just as you start seeing how all that work will pay off?

Sometimes, people are schmucks.

Particularly when it comes to your success.

See, people don’t want you to succeed because they’re afraid.

They’re afraid that it will change how things are, even if how things are is shitty.

They’re afraid that it will change you, even if you’ll change for the better.

And they’re afraid that if you succeed, it means they’re not good enough.

Your failure is easy for people to get behind

Seeing you fuck up provides reassurance that things can continue on an even-keel, risk-free. Phew. Pressure’s off.

Seeing you fuck up offers relief that you won’t grow beyond the confines of the relationship or circumstances. Thank God. We can keep on being us.

And seeing you fuck up means they don’t have to ask themselves difficult questions or try to better themselves.

Your fuck up is their blessed relief, validating how risky it is out there and how much better they are staying safe in the confines of their old choices.

It gives them evidence that supports their choices not to take action, not to go for it, not to try, and it shrouds their insecurity and fear in a warm blanket of comfort and the feeling that they’re the smart one.

But sometimes, sometimes, there are people who see things differently.

These are the people who will cheer you on when you had no clue what you were doing warranted a cheer.

These are the people who will tell you how wonderful it is to see what you’re building and how proud they are to know you.

These are the people who will offer their time, spirit, focus and experience for no other reason than they believe in you.

These people are fucking awesome, and while I definitely don’t have it nailed and occasionally catch myself sneering in the face of someones’ success, I’m trying my best to be like that.

So don’t be an ass-hat who wants people to fuck up just because you don’t have the cajones to peer into your own insecurity and lack of self-confidence.

Be the other kind of person.

Be the one who believes.


  1. Thank you for this and for all the insight you share. I too want to be one of those people to cheer others on. It does feel scary when others are changing for the better and one is stuck. If we cheer others on, we just may be succsessful ourselves!
    Thanks again, you’re awesome! ☺️

  2. Oh God. I’m just gonna say it. I’ve been digging and digging into why I’m one of those ass-hats, because I really don’t want to be. Why do I feel a tiny tinge of glee when a friend’s seemingly perfect new relationship (*growl, sneer*) suddenly goes south (*Ha!*) Why do I feel a microsmidge of satisfaction when another friend’s (*silly, it will never fly*) idea for a new business venture, fails? (*I knew it!*) Why am I such a horrible fucktrumpet of a human being?

    • Steve Errey says:

      Good for you for saying it.

      I’m a member of the fucktrumpet club too sometimes. Everyone is.


      It’s how we’re wired – to compare oir standing with others and get a little hit of dopamine when we perceive that we were right or that we got a statua boost.

      I think the point is to notice when that happens. To uncover the story underneath it – what is there for me to learn about this? – and then if there’s a better truth.

      Don’t judge the fucktrumpetness. Just explore it.

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