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Finding Your Backbone and Getting Back in The Arena

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I don’t have to tell you how tough life can be. But to demonstrate my remarkable grasp of the obvious, I’m going to.

Life can be fucking tough sometimes

The people I work with are trying to break out of old patterns and make something wonderful happen, and many are hitting the same old walls time and time again. The walls that stop them from doing the stuff they’d love to be doing, because they’re worried about whether they’ll screw it up, worried that people close to them will see them fail, or worried that they don’t have what it takes.

So they dance around a little bit, trying to make something wonderful happen but not really giving their best and holding back just a little in case it all goes tits up. That way, they can say that at least they tried before going back to how things were.

With some people, and I’m not saying that you’re one of them necessarily, it’s like they have a spine made of damp socks.

Confidence is an essential quality in this process, and sometimes my job as a confidence coach is to give people a metaphorical kick up the ass to help them rebuild their backbone and get back out there.

It’s like Brene Brown’s go-to quote from Theodore Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

It really doesn’t matter if you’re shy, ill-practiced, introverted or just plain scared. You have a backbone that will support you as you stride into the arena and dare greatly.

It’s that part of you that knows how bloody good you are when you’re firing on all cylinders and flowing. It’s that part of you that allows you to dig deeper than you’ve ever dug before, to a place of undiminishable strength and grace. It’s that part of you that knows what matters most, no matter how much stuff life puts in the way.

Trusting that backbone—having confidence in it—starts with making to choice to honour those things.

Because choosing to honour your best, choosing to honour your strength and grace, and choosing to honour what matters to you—that IS confidence. That IS backbone.

Here’s something I’m thinking about doing…

I’m thinking of putting together a short, sharp course over a 1 month period that helps you build your backbone and grow your confidence by:

  • showing you how you can be at your best more often
  • helping you honour and apply your strengths
  • showing you how grace and congruence make a huge difference
  • giving you tools to discover what matters to you
  • how to get back into the arena even though you might be someone who’s “marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again”

3 or 4 calls over the month with a small group, with those things as the focus.

Being completely transparent with you, there would be a small charge (somewhere around $40-$50), there would be homework and there would be some big questions to think about, but that’s where the best insights come from, right?

I want more people to choose to trust themselves. That’s where they get to push through the self-doubt, second-guessing and comfort-zone loitering, make wonderful things happen and put their dent in the universe.

So how does that sound? This could kick off really, really soon, so if you’re up for getting involved add a comment (alternatively drop me a line or Tweet me)and we’ll do it!

And if you have a friend or loved one who could use this, do please pass it on, because it always breaks my heart to see people with so much to offer hold back and wonder if they’re good enough.

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