It’s like the care label inside a new top or that new car smell when your shiny new ride shows up.
It’s just there.
Difference is, a care label won’t prevent you slipping into your new purchase and looking damn fine, nor will that amazing new car smell stop you from jumping into the drivers seat and hitting the road.
A care label or a new car won’t strip you of your confidence.
But a job opening that needs you to step up and deliver at a whole new level will have you trembling in your shoes. Entering into a romance after your heart’s been broken will bring out that fear and make you wanna run. And quitting work and starting your own business is likely to have you shitting your pants about what you’re doing.
So, here are 3 ideas to help you confidently embrace new opportunities without runny-hidey, shoe-trembly, pant-shitty fear.
Does it look like fun?
Put the fear aside for a second, and look at this new thing.
Could it be fun? Could it give you an experience you’ll love? Is it possible that you could have a great time?
If your answer is “yeah”—or maybe even a big, fat, juicy YES—then focus on that instead.
The point at which your energy around doing this thing—whether it’s a new creative pursuit, a physical challenge, a relocation, a career change, leaving a relationship behind or leaning into a new one—is greater than your fear around it, then you have it nailed.
The trick then, is to look for the gold in the opportunity and the richness, texture and joy in the experience, and anchor your energy behind that.
Ask yourself, “What kind of experience am I choosing?”, then make a decision that honours your answer.
Are you just making shit up?
If you’re feeling fear, the chances are that you’re just making shit up.
Fear is something of a drama queen, and will spin you stories about the stuff that could go wrong and how you’ll end up losing out or looking silly in front of everybody.
But fear doesn’t know what’s going to happen any more than you, me or that idiot pundit who tells you that he knows the way it’s going to go.
The stories in your head aren’t real. That includes the one about how Ryan Gosling would totally love you if you guys got to hang out, the one about winning the lottery, buying a huge house up on the hill where you’d hold huge parties filled with beautiful people once you were done eating all the wonderful food and getting pampered to within an inch of your life at that luxury spa in Tuscany, and it definitely includes the ones that fill you with fear and try to tell you that you’ll only fuck it up.
Notice the stories that don’t serve you (the ones that fuel a lack a confidence), remind yourself that you’re better than they would have you believe and ask yourself, “What old stories would I love to let go of?”
Will it kill you?
Unless your new opportunity centres around a mission to Mars in a home-made space podual or a radical new approach to deep sea diving that involves holding your breath for a really long time and then counting on the Law of Attraction to manifest you some lovely oxygen, any new opportunity you face is unlikely to kill you.
You might lose out. That remains a possibility. You might get egg on your face. That could happen too. But unless this thing will actually end your life, the rest can be taken care of.
Whatever happens, there’s always a way through. Fear will try to persuade you otherwise, so try responding to it with the question “What kind of person do I want to be?” and see what happens.
Over to you. What helps you to embrace new opportunities without that runny-hidey, shoe-trembly, pant-shitty fear?