Don’t Be Such a Bloody Drama Queen

If you live your life like you're a character in "As The World Turns" or "Eastenders", you need to stop being such a bloody drama queen.

I can't believe she said that. You'll never guess what he did. Why can't they just sort it out? I don't want to feel like this any more. You simply don't get it. She went and did it. Who do you think you are?

Too many people spend the bulk of their time wrapped up in the drama and detail of their lives, that that's all they see.

Sometimes, and I hate to admit it, sometimes I'm so pushed up against the details of my life and what's happening that I slip into a little drama queen-ness myself.

The drama and detail of your life is just a lot of who did what to whom, and while it might make a good TV storyline if you're into that sort of thing, it makes for a really crappy life.

If all you're seeing is the drama, you're missing everything that's good in your life

Luckily, there are things you can do to stop being a drama queen and get a different kind of experience. Things you can do that get you more of the good stuff and much, much less of the draining, shouty, nit-picky bullshit.

Here's how it works.

Drama Model
  1. The aim is to move up this diagram, from the bottom to the top, with the singular goal of spending your time above the line.

  2. Starting at the bottom, this is where all that drama and emotion lives. If you're spending your time down here, you're going to feel like life is happening to you, that it just isn't fair, that you deserve better, that nobody is giving you a chance or very much like a victim of life.

    To get a better experience, you have to make a deliberate choice to move one step up.

  3. The detail level is where you pour over the minutia of your life, like you're narrating what's been going on or telling others about all the nitty-bitty details of what's been happening in your life.

    There's always more detail to dredge up and roll around in, so it's not a great place to hang out, but it's a step in the right direction from the maelstrom of drama.

  4. The next step up affords you a curious opportunity - the chance to name the problem. Resist the temptation to keep bathing in all that detail and ask yourself "What's the real problem here?" Intentionally, deliberately, step up and out of the detail, and look for where the problem is.

    What's the block? What is it that's creating tension or struggle? What it is in how you're approaching things that might not be working? With clarity around the specific problem you're able to move up another step.

  5. Now we're really getting somewhere. With insight into the genuine nature of the problem (without blaming or judging), you're gifted with another, huge opportunity—to look at a way through.

    So what's a way that you can move forwards? What might be sitting on the other side of the problem that would be a decent (or perhaps even great) way for things to turn out? What might be something you can try?

  6. Stepping up from the problem into the solution can be tough, and sometimes it takes time to just be where you are and allow things to coalesce. But remember this, it's no good looking for a solution when you're being at your worst or just pretending to be interested in a solution, when you're like a pig in shit swimming around in all that drama and detail.

    Remember what you're like when you're at your very best, when you're in a place of self-trust and confidence, then look at a good solution from that vantage point.

  7. The final step is from the solution is the vision. The word "vision" sounds lofty and hifalutin, but it doesn't have to be. Your vision isn't rigid, sombre or pious, but is more about how you want things to go, the kind of experience you'd love to have, and bringing to the fore the things that really, truly matter to you.

    So what kind of what kind of person do you want to become? What's your big picture?

Your life will always be better above that line

Modern life makes it easy to be a drama queen.

And while you don't have to bury things down deep, keep a stiff upper lip, or pretend like everything's roses when it's full of thorns, nor does being a drama queen serve you well.

You can still feel what you feel, be in the moment and fully experience what happens in your life, but you don't need to stay down there in all the messy drama and detail of it all.

There's so much more to you and your life than that.

Where do you spend your time?

  • I’m such a drama queen. Thanks for calling me out on it. I spend wayyyy too much time wallowing in the stupid crap and not enough time trying to devise a way to do something about it.

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