You know what I think? You should sell up, close your bank accounts and give me 75% of the proceeds. It’s probably best if you throw in a vacation for me too. Somewhere hot and on the water with good shrimp.
You still get 25%, which is plenty enough to start again in a cheaper neighborhood, and I really think I kinda deserve it after everything I’ve done.
Of course, that’s just my opinion.
You make up your own mind, which, I’m sure, you’ve already done.
I may not have been at my persuasive best just then, but I’ll bet there have been other times when you’ve fallen in line with the opinions of others, even when you know that what’s best for you lies in a different direction.
Here’s what happens when you’re swayed by the opinion of someone else:
- You have an idea.
- Someone else has an idea.
- They present their idea.
- You go with it, because you don’t want you or your idea to be a failure.
- Or, you go with it because you don’t want to be on the hook for your idea.
- You feel crappy and small.
It’s a pattern that’s played out over and over again, and it always ends with you feeling crappy and small. The more you feel crappy and small, the more likely you are to be swayed by the opinion of others.
Et voila, more crappyness and smallness
Feeling crappy and small sucks. You need to be done with that. You’re better than that. Just my opinion of course, but if you’ll allow me to sway you, here’s how not to be swayed by others:
1. Know your insides
Inside you, somewhere amidst the spleen, lungs and kidneys, is some pretty extraordinary stuff that tells you what you need to know.
Your mind tells you how far you’ve come, how much you’ve already achieved and shows you how capable you are when you choose to be.
Your heart tells you what truly matters, what you love and shows you how to stand up for what matters to you.
Your gut tells you what’s right for you, where North lies and shows you what you can and can’t condone.
These things you have inside you? They’re rare, tangible and magnificent. And they’re all yours.
2. Know your rights
We’ve all met people who steamroller their way through, using bluster and cheap tricks to get their own way. I don’t have much time for them and their ways (in fact, I patiently wait for when those cheap tricks run out and they come to me for real help), as they tend to believe they have a greater right of choice than anyone else.
You, of course, have rights too.
You have the right to your idea, your opinion,
your experience, your perspective and your voice
Whether someone aims to steamroller you or someone simply tries to persuade you, if you believe that you want to give things a shot your way, you simply have to say “I hear you, you make some great points, here’s how I want to do things.”
Above all, you have the right to choose.
3. Know you can be seen
Fitting in line with the opinion of someone else is pretty nifty because of the safety it provides.
You’re safe from being judged a failure.
You’re safe from being responsible.
You’re safe from having you or your opinion laughed at.
Compelling as that safety feels, the more you choose the safety of someone else’s opinion (and it is a choice) over yours, the more your confidence atrophies.
Speaking up, being heard, being seen and voicing your opinion requires vulnerability and feels fucking scary sometimes, but I’d suggest that it’s actually not as scary as the alternative.
Remember this – you’re already good enough to not need to hide. You don’t need to prove yourself worthy first.
Let others see you. You’re already plenty.