Photo by Michael Prewett on Unsplash
Sex can be a minefield (not literally; if sex is literally a minefield then I'd say you might want to tone down your thrill-seeking a touch).
No matter what your gender or sexuality is or how you self-identify, this is a topic that's incredibly tough to open up about.
Our society and culture doesn't make sex easy to discuss. Especially kinky sex and fetishes.
People who do anything more than missionary are labelled as perverts. Fetishes are misunderstood and talked about in negative tones. Kinks are ridiculed and pushed back behind closed doors.
There's no doubt that having an honest conversation about the kind of sex life you want can feel incredibly exposing. That vulnerability, coupled with the fear of being judged or labelled by society or by someone close to you, is enough to make most of us keep quiet about what turns us on.
So you keep the lid on, and tell yourself that you should be happy with a "vanilla" sex life.
Vanilla sex can be beautiful, intimate and a whole heap of fun, of course, but the the world isn't just one thing, and neither are you.
Some of us crave something ...else.
Kink, Confidence and Coaching
It's easy to get wrapped up in what others might think or say. It's easy to fear that you might rock the boat or offend. And it's easy to judge yourself for the urges you feel and to feel guilt or shame.
But having a kink or a fetish doesn't make you wrong, doesn't make you a bad person and it certainly doesn't mean you should hide.
Having a kink or a fetish doesn't make you any less worthy of love and belonging. It doesn't take away from who you are or make you less than.
It's the act of suppressing those parts of yourself that diminishes you.
In my own world and in my work with clients over the years, I've seen how well kink and confidence go together.
Natural confidence is a place of self-acceptance rather than self-judgement, and it's only from that place that you can safely explore kinks and fetishes, free from the expectations and fears that hold so many of us back.
So yeah, kink and confidence go hand in hand, like Bert and Ernie, Jack and Coke or Lady & the Tramp.
That's what kink coaching is all about.
Integration, not Separation
All the time you judge and compartmentalise what turns you on, you're going to feel like something you'd scrape off the bottom of your shoe.
Sure, it's inappropriate to wear a ball-gag to a board meeting or spank your co-worker across the desk, but putting a fetish or a kink into a box, screwing the lid down tight and pushing it to the very back of your closet only fuels separation.
And separation drives struggle, judgement and shame—that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you're not good enough, bad or broken.
My aim, with everyone I work with, is for them to develop natural confidence to bring all the pieces together into a single, beautiful, whole. Someone who feels capable. Someone who feels connected. Someone who feels complete.
So if you feel as though you want to open up a free and fun exploration of sex, without guilt or shame, then natural confidence just might be the ingredient you're missing.
How kink coaching works
This isn't a phone sex line—but kink coaching is a safe space for us to talk openly and honestly about where you are and where you want to go.
We can:
- open up your feelings about what turns you on
- look at the stories you're making up that make you feel guilty or ashamed
- make you whole, not separated
- shift the expectations and judgements about what you "should" find a turn on
- get you out from under the pressure you put on yourself to look or be perfect
- find safe ways to explore your kinks and fetishes
- practice self-acceptance and self-compassion
This might not be stuff you talk about every day, and perhaps you've never talked about it to anyone. I get how weird and scary that can feel.
But it's okay.
I'm continuing my own exploration, and whatever we talk about stays between us. As long as it's safe and consensual, I'll never judge.
Work with me...
Most of my clients choose to work with me on a regular basis, and our best results will come from working together over time. That’s how we wave cheerio to second-guessing, self-doubt and self-judgement, bring out your natural confidence (yes, you have it) to explore and integrate your kinks in a way that works for you.
From the moment you come on board I’ll be in your corner, supporting you and cheering you on. It’s you and me, partners in crime.
Typically, we’ll meet twice a month for an hour or so via Skype, and we can continue to talk, ask questions and keep up-to-date on progress via email between those calls.
Individual kink coaching sessions are also available if you just want to dip your toe in the water or get a quick, laser-focused session.
On The Fence?
It can be tough choosing a coach. Sometimes it's weird and scary too, because it's not something you do every day.
I get that, and I want to make sure you're right for me too. That's why I always offer a free 30 minute call before taking anybody on as a client, so that:
- we can chat through where you're at and what you'd like to get out of working with me
- you can get a feel for me and how I work
- you can throw any questions at me and I'll answer them for you (at least, I'll attempt to)
- we can see if we're a good fit for each other and get a great feel for what we could achieve together
And if we find that we aren't a good fit, that's cool. No biggie. At least we know either way, right?
You can book your free, 30 minute slot with me right now just by clicking below.
If you'd rather, feel free to fill in the quick form below and we can book your slot that way. There’s absolute discretion, no judgement, and I won't use your details for anything else.