Ever wish you could start again?
Maybe hit the reset button and go back to college; make some different choices.
Not roll over when you were stepped on in that relationship or in that job.
Get your mojo back, like when you used to have that spring in your step and that glint in your eye.
Make sure you won next time around, not the guy who edged in front.
Wishing is easy…
I’m not going to say that you can hit that reset button or that you always get to make different choices.
While that’s partly true, it doesn’t reflect or honour who you are and what you’ve been through. It doesn’t reflect the realities and constraints of your life, right now, and nor does it reflect the reality of how you feel about your life right now.
Wishing is easy.
What’s hard, is change.
Stories keep you stuck.
Stories about stuff that’s happened (break-ups, losses, paths not taken, screw-ups, etc). Stories about what you wish would happen (a new job, a richer relationship, a healthier body, a little more cash, etc). Stories about what you wish won’t happen (losing your spark, getting trapped in a bad job, becoming smaller, getting poorer, etc). And stories about why you can’t change (because it’s too risky, because you don’t know where to start, because you’re not supported, because you can’t ask for help, etc).
Stories, stories, stories.
Starting again cheapens you…
The thought of starting again is an easy one. You just wave a magic wand and make everything better, richer, more fun, simpler and sexier.
Zero effort. All the good stuff.
But look at how you feel around that story.
Look at the feelings it stirs up; the bubbling in your belly, the fire in your heart, the spark in your fingertips.
There just might be SOMETHING FUCKING IMPORTANT in there.
Something you’ve lost sight of, forgotten about or become disconnected from.
If you feel like there’s something missing, or feel like there’s something bigger for you, then maybe there’s an important new direction for you to grow in. If you feel a sense of sadness, then maybe that’s because you gave up on something that mattered to you, or there’s grief around how you envisaged your life turning out. Or if you feel a sense of unfairness or that you deserve more, then perhaps there’s a message for you about how you’ve been fitting in and not carving your own path.
Starting again is a question…
I sometimes wish I could start again. Make that move before that other guy got there first. Do things differently when it comes to love. Start my own business way sooner. Maybe even see if I could prevent myself from getting sick.
But rather than storytell around that very human urge (my life sucks, I’m no good, I don’t know what to do, etc), I dip into the feelings I have around it and ask myself these 3 questions:
- What more is there I can acknowledge or understand about this?
- How do I want to feel about my next chapter?
- What are the values that will drive that next chapter?
Those questions do 3 things:
- Fuels self-learning. Because it’s in those murky, confusing, painful areas that you’d rather steer clear of that you might learn something important about what drives your behaviour and your thinking.
- Opens possibilities. Getting stuck in storytelling is disabling, and looking at how I want to feel about whatever I do next takes me back to what I love and to what I’m most grateful for.
- Anchors importance. Just having a sense of how I want to feel is nothing without the values I can demonstrate, exhibit and honour in any given moment. It’s these values that are the building blocks, foundations and cornerstones of a rich experience.
Sometimes I do this better than at other times. Sometimes I wrap myself in stories and wallow in self-pity, while at other times clarity and congruence come quickly.
Both are fine.
Because I know that the urge to want to start again is just a cue from ten thousand feet down to connect.